I feel like a little girl who is at a party who escapes off in a corner only for everyone to forget about. Other kids may try to include you but you exclude yourself because for one reason or another you just aren't happy there or can't find joy in the celebration.
I'm that girl. Only I'm an adult, and not enjoying the adult party for expecting women or even women TTC.
Selfish? Jealous? Envious? Yes...maybe; but this is how I feel. I'm not sure how to change it! And if I do change it, is that really being me? I guess maybe a better me but I'm not one who likes to pretend.
I'm over the announcements on fb. I'm over the ultrasound pictures on fb. I'm over the gender announcements. I'm over the status updates about what people are doing with their new family of 4. It all drives me a little bonkers. And I am I guilty? Absolutely! I had 3 losses before Landon so of course I was excited to share my milestones even on fb, not thinking of what others were going through. It's just frustrating that very, very few of these friends can even begin to understand. Remember only 1% of couples suffer from RPL.
I finally felt like the wound was healing and I was getting over the hump. Now I feel like my scab is being picked at each and every time I'm reminded of not being pregnant.
Trust me I don't sit around all day long feeling sorry for myself. However these posts may make you think otherwise but really I don't. Its just there as well as constant reminders.
I've participated in a study since Landon was a few weeks old called the first baby study. Its being performed by Penn State Medical Center. Last night I was on the phone with them for a 6 month survey. One of the first questions, "Have you been pregnant since the last time we spoke?" My answer, "yes." "So you are currently expecting," answered the person on the other side. "No, I had a missed m/c at 10 weeks," I said. "Oh," was the answer to that. :::Sigh::: From there she proceeded to ask me questions about the m/c and had I seen a doctor since our last conversation and what for. Well, of course I had to go through well I had an Ob/Gyn appt for this and that and then I had a surgery and blah blah blah. Is my scab bleeding yet?
I know her job isn't to become personal with me but honestly a sorry would have been sufficient. Or is it really that taboo just like breast cancer once was? Are people caught so off guard that they don't know what to say?
I'm that girl. Only I'm an adult, and not enjoying the adult party for expecting women or even women TTC.
Selfish? Jealous? Envious? Yes...maybe; but this is how I feel. I'm not sure how to change it! And if I do change it, is that really being me? I guess maybe a better me but I'm not one who likes to pretend.
I'm over the announcements on fb. I'm over the ultrasound pictures on fb. I'm over the gender announcements. I'm over the status updates about what people are doing with their new family of 4. It all drives me a little bonkers. And I am I guilty? Absolutely! I had 3 losses before Landon so of course I was excited to share my milestones even on fb, not thinking of what others were going through. It's just frustrating that very, very few of these friends can even begin to understand. Remember only 1% of couples suffer from RPL.
I finally felt like the wound was healing and I was getting over the hump. Now I feel like my scab is being picked at each and every time I'm reminded of not being pregnant.
Trust me I don't sit around all day long feeling sorry for myself. However these posts may make you think otherwise but really I don't. Its just there as well as constant reminders.
I've participated in a study since Landon was a few weeks old called the first baby study. Its being performed by Penn State Medical Center. Last night I was on the phone with them for a 6 month survey. One of the first questions, "Have you been pregnant since the last time we spoke?" My answer, "yes." "So you are currently expecting," answered the person on the other side. "No, I had a missed m/c at 10 weeks," I said. "Oh," was the answer to that. :::Sigh::: From there she proceeded to ask me questions about the m/c and had I seen a doctor since our last conversation and what for. Well, of course I had to go through well I had an Ob/Gyn appt for this and that and then I had a surgery and blah blah blah. Is my scab bleeding yet?
I know her job isn't to become personal with me but honestly a sorry would have been sufficient. Or is it really that taboo just like breast cancer once was? Are people caught so off guard that they don't know what to say?
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