Who Am I? What is My Story?
I am a miscarriage survivor. I have had 4 losses that has put me through hell. Yet I am so blessed to have a beautiful son. I am my own health advocate.
I am a wife and became Mrs. in May 2007. Little did we know what was to come when we said for better, for worse, for sick or for poor.
In October 2007, I went off BCP for a month. The following month we started TTC. I got my first BFP on Nov 21, 2007. On December 4, 2007, I woke up cramping and bleeding. I immediately called my ob/gyn office and left a message for the on-call doctor. He called a while later and didn't have any empathy or sympathy for me. He just told me I was most likely m/c and to call the office back during office hours to set up an appointment.
After calling and explaining my story for a 3rd time, I was able to be seen mid-morning. After sitting in the waiting room for well over 30 minutes I was finally squeezed in and saw a female ob/gyn. I don't even remember her name any more. I can only picture her face. She warned me before doing my ultrasound that we wouldn't see much, however, we didn't see anything except an empty uterus.
It was heartbreaking! I broke down after she told me that most likely I had experienced a chemical pregnancy. She said she was sorry and even put her arm around me after handing me a box of tissues. I barely made it to my car in one piece and not without tears rolling down my cheeks.
My miscarriage was later confirmed by blood work. I would no longer be having a baby around August 4, 2008. My hcg had been 260 and the day my miscarriage began my levels had dropped to 230. I was called at work the very next day when I learned of the dropping hcg levels.
The next weeks and months were some of the hardest on our marriage. My husband did not understand the emotional pain I was dealing with and the haunting feeling of this not being "just bad luck." We fought more than ever and I felt like I hardly knew my husband after being married for 7 short months.
I believe a lot of this was failure on my part to communicate efficiently with him. I just expected him to feel the same exact pain I was and to know how I was feeling. Yea, I've learned over the years he is not a mind reader and his thinking (and men in general) is not parallel to a woman's thought process.
I can remember one of the worst things he said to me which still haunts me to this day. "It's just like riding a bike, you fall down, you get up and you try again." Yet think about it, it has some truth to it. I haven't given up. However, at the time with some foul language involved I'm sure I yelled how can you compare that to your child?
For the next few months I was obsessed on becoming pregnant again, I turned to books to help me grieve and give me answers.
I became pregnant again and got a BFP on April 25, 2008. On April 29th my hcg was 537 and on May 1st they tripled to 2000+. The good news was we got past 5 weeks and my levels were rising accordingly. I had my first u/s at 6w1d. We saw only a sac but my doctor was convinced this was ok, based on my LMP. Me on the other hand, I was terrified.
We returned to have another u/s at 7w1d only to find my uterus double in size but no one was home, no baby, no yolk sac, nothing. My blood work returned with levels of 29,999. WTF? How could they be so high with nothing growing inside of me except a freakin amniotic sac? I swore it was a cruel trick.
The following week we confirmed at 8w3d that there was yet nothing growing inside the amniotic sac and proceeded with what would be my first D&E. My recovery after my D&E was rather easy at least physically.
I once again turned to books and message boards online. They were my saving grace. I felt like no one understood and was tired of hearing how normal m/c are. I'm here to tell you...one...maybe, two...don't think so, three....no way in hell!
At this time, I also sought out a local reproductive endocrinologist, Dr. Dodson, at the Hershey Med Center. I had some coagulation panels; Factor V Leiden, Lupus Anticoagulant & DRVV. He also ordered Homocysteine levels which were inconclusive and never repeated (most likely the lab messed up and never drew my blood for this particular test). I had some endocrine testing; HbA1c, TSH and Free T4 as well as rheumatology labs; AnticardA, CardiolipIgG, CardiolipIgM & B2Microglb. We also had a chromosome analysis of DH & I. All the tests at the time came back within normal limits, WNL.
August 24, 2008, I got my 3rd BFP. I had blood work the following day and hcg was only 38 (not so good), progesterone was 12.7 ( "not so bad"). Dr. Dodoson was concerned that this was not a viable pregnancy once again. My blood work confirmed it two days later with my hcg at 15 and progesterone at 0. I was losing our 3rd baby and experiencing another chemical pregnancy.
On September 25, 2008, the cycle after my last miscarriage, I got my 4th BFP. The following day I had blood work. My hcg was 24 and my progesterone was a "healthy 21" at 10dpo. Six days later my hcg was 853 and progesterone was 30. At my first u/s we saw a gestational sac and yolk sac at approximately 6 weeks. At 7 weeks we saw a baby and a hb of 118 bpm. At 8 weeks we saw a hb of 158 bpm. I had a very uneventful pregnancy and went into labor at midnight the day after my EDD. Our son Landon was born June 6, 2009 at 7:02 AM weighing 8lbs 2oz.
Life forever changed!
We did not try to become pregnant until the beginning of 2011. I became pregnant right away and found out we were expecting on February 8th, 2011. Everything started off well, my hcg was much higher then when I found out I was expecting Landon and my progesterone was in the high 40's, based on my LMP I would be due October 23, 2011. Things progressed nicely. I had an ultrasound around 7 weeks, which showed a baby and heart beat. However, things changed when I started spotting on Friday, March 26th, when I learned our baby no longer had a fetal pole.
I scheduled another D&E, however, my body did not want to wait that long and I began m/c naturally on Monday at work. By 2PM I was doubled over in pain and had to leave work to go to the ob/gyn. I literally felt like I was in labor. By the time the ob/gyn saw me it was around 4PM. I learned that I felt like I was in labor because I had tissue stuck in my cervix and was 1 1/2 cm dilated. I had a D&E that night.
Having a Type A personality, I right away scheduled an appt with Dr. Dodson who again was sympathetic to my losses but this time had no answers. He admitted that there was something wrong that I was 27 y.o. w/ 4 losses but yet was not willing to go below the surface to search for those answers. He followed strict guidelines on testing to perform for RPL and mine had all come back normal. He felt that we should just keep trying and when it was time, the stars and moons would align and I would get my 2nd take home sticky baby.
I wasn't willing to accept this, not this time. This is where my story on this blog begins.......join me as I find new specialists and discover NaProTechnology.
