The day I've been dreading.......

October 23, 2011. The day I've been dreading for some 7 1/2 months. I sit here wide awake past midnight, once again after watching a movie.

I sit here empty handed with a heavy aching heart. Trust me, it makes it easier that I have Landon, no doubt...but I can't help but hurt! And grief the day that should have been my 2nd child's birthday.

I can't help think about the things that should be different, the nursery, the endless sleepless nights, introducing Landon to his new sibling, Landon's big boy room, the cries of a newborn.....I can't help but think about what should have been...

But yet here I sit almost anxious of the thought of having a toddler and a newborn.

Hopefully, after today I will be able to move on. Since getting answers I think, it has brought me some peace but getting through today...will be the last milestone of my 5th pregnancy.

:::Breathe in, breathe out:::


Thankfully, I have very good friends that will help me get through this day. I especially want to thank Lisa who sent me this in the mail (just 2 weeks after having twins)!!!

Thank you so much Lisa for remembering, it means the world to me! Thank you for being there for me in some of my deepest, darkest hours & some of the happiest days of my life!! You are a true friend and a sister forever!!!