MIA

I know I've been MIA and I apologize. However, the black cloud that has been following us since the new year continues to hover over us and our house.

I know this is not fertility related at all but I promise to get there. This past summer, during the hottest week of the year our AC broke. The unit was older than me by 2 years so Mike's grandparents definitely got their money out of this unit. However, we had to replace the furnace (3 years younger than me) as well because it would not be able to handle the new bigger and better AC unit. Do you seeing the flashing money signs??? So we (2 adults, 1 toddler and 2 dogs) were couped up in our master bedroom with a window AC unit for a week!! Within that week our hot water heater started leaking. WTF?! More money signs flashed by.

Fast forward to 6 weeks later (this past week). Tropical Storm Lee decided to make "his" presence known and dumped rain like crazy on Central PA. I can't tell you how many inches because I've had very little time to watch any news. I'll guess 10+ inches though. So Wednesday afternoon I came home to find 5 inches of water in our basement. The last time this basement saw water was during Hurricane Agnes, in the early 70's, before my time. Our sump pump never kicked on. So Mike hurried home from work and within an hour the water was pumped out. Our guys who replaced our AC, furnace & hot water heater came to check everything out. All were inspected and turned back on. :::whew:::

1:30 AM the following morning we lost electric. Within 3 hours, we had 8 inches of water in our basement. Our hot water heater was destroyed. :::sigh::: So I have to remember that we were blessed with only having 8 inches of water in our basement because many have lost their first floors to flood waters in local areas. But at the same time why is this black cloud following us?

1) We lost Sadie in mid March
2) I m/c at the end of March
3) Our AC died
4) We also had to replace our furnace and hot water heater
5) Came home the same day as our basement to find a leak in our roof and plaster from our ceiling on the floor.
6) 5inches of water in our basement, lost electric and then had 8 inches of water in basement that destroyed our 6 week old hot water heater

I'm not sure if that's how I should number things because we all know things happen in 3's. Well...we are way past three!!! I don't want to ask what else could go wrong because I've learned this year that it can always get worse.

Tomorrow is my appt with Dr. Daggs, my new ob/gyn. I'm surprised that its here already despite the long, long wait. It felt like forever, but this last week has flown by with all the drama. I'm so discouraged right now and I hope to get the show on the road tomorrow. One good thing is I'm on CD 2 so that means we'll be able to do CD 3 blood work tomorrow. YAY!!!!!!!!

I'm hoping to update tomorrow evening but if not look for an update by Tuesday evening. :-) I have to believe that things can only look up from here!

"We Must See Past What it Seems"

If you have not read this blog post! I highly recommend that you do. We Must See Past What it Seems

A friend posted this on my facebook wall after I updated my status from a quote I found; "The funny thing is, nobody really ever knows how much anybody else is hurting. We could be standing next to someone who is completely broken, and we wouldn't even know."

That day I felt broken. I need acknowledgement of the pain I am going through. And I feel like so many forget and even more don't know what my pain is like.

Every day I deal with patients complaining to me of their physical pain; how bad their shoulder hurts, how much their back hurts, how they can't do the recreational activities that they want to do because of physical pain. Yes, I understand their pain. I've been through it myself but for once I would like someone to just ask me how I am doing. It gets old listening to their complaints and not being able to share mine. However, that is my fault. Many I choose not to share my personal grief with only because I want most of my relationships to be professional and not personal with patients. I think when I am feeling this way I really need to remember this article and remember that not only are they dealing with physical pain but they could be dealing with grief just like mine.

I need to learn to be less selfish...however, some days I would like a sign around my neck so people might be gentle with me.

:::HUGS::: to those who need them for whatever reason!!!

In the holding pattern....

I know I haven't wrote a whole lot in the past few weeks. Honestly I feel like banging my head against a freakin brick wall. I'm sooo tired of this holding pattern. Waiting for insurance, waiting  for my ob/gyn appt, waiting till we can start testing, waiting till we can start TTC. Its getting old!

I have my good days and bad days/ My sane days and my not so sane days. I have days where I'm not reminded and days I just want to lay in bed, cry and feel sorry for myself days. It doesn't help working across the hall from an ob/gyn. :-( I see ladies walk in with growing bellies and it makes me sad. It makes me sad because I know thats where I should be. I know I should be 31 weeks pregnant. :-( It just really freakin sucks. I can't believe Oct 23 is 2 months away. Its sad, very, very sad. The other days that I don't see women walking in with growing bellies someone always asks, "so when's your next one?" I mean really what do you say to that. "God willing?!" Or, do you just shrug and say in a casual tone, "I dunno." Its hard.

I feel bad that Landon will be at least 3 when he has a new sibling. Freaking 3 years old. Who would have ever thought? Its not what I planned but then what is now a days? I worry that he will be super jealous. I worry that him and his sibling will be too far apart to get a long. It's not fair!

So tonight I'll leave you with a new discovery about pre-eclampsia! Even if you don't have a child, this is great to read and educate yourself on Pre-E.

Scientists find cause of pre-eclampsia.

Low Progesterone or Estrogen Dominance

Great website for those who suspected low progesterone or estrogen dominance. Does this fit you??

Low Progesterone or Estrogen Dominance

I just want to surrender

I really just want to wave the white flag and surrender. Hey, it's a thought!

But if you really know me, I'm not going to. I may feel defeated and torn apart but this is how it goes. I know this, I know this feeling and remember it all too well.

However, after a week to mull this over, I am and was reminded that I still have other avenues. Its just frustrating that I keep going through this only to find dead ends. In fact its discouraging.

So right now my only option is to continue with NaPro and see where that avenue takes us. I may start researching some other specialist just as a back up but I'm pretty sure this is the avenue that will listen to me and follow through. I won't be just another number.

So I know I haven't done NaPro & the Creighton Model justice as far as explaining it and Erin gave me a pamphlet at our most recent appt that says:

"The Creighton Model Fertility Care System teaches couples to recognize, understand and record the changes that occur during the menstrual cycle. These changes indicate whether the reproductive system is functioning normally or not. [...]

FertilityCare Practitioners (FCPs) are allied health professionals, nurses and physician assistants who provide instruction in the Creighton Model. It is FCP who refers clients and couples to the Creighton Medical Consultants when charting of biomarkers indicates a need for intervention with NaPro Technology. NaPro is a new women's health science that is based on the Creighton Model FertilityCare System."

I thought it was a better explanation then maybe what I provided before. I just added the Creighton Model link to the side of this blog. Also for backround on the Creighton Model and for pictures of what various cycles may look like click here.

I mean I always "knew" when my fertile times were. That wasn't the reason for doing this. The reason for doing this was more to determine biomarkers that could make a connection with my RPL (ie. My last 3 days of my period I usually spot brown which most likely means a progesterone issue and/or LPD).

Erin continues to offer encouragement and support. Assuring me that Dr. Daggs will take me seriously and do the appropriate testing. We are sure she will do a full hormonal work up. I will probably be getting blood taking every 2-3 days to determine all hormonal levels throughout my cycle. So all in all I will have about 10 blood draws in 29 days. Seriously...could anyone else not order this test? :::sigh::: I mean it makes so much sense to me instead of just worrying about what it is on day 3; its the whole cycle that matters.

We may still test NK cells and do not only various blood draws but u/s too. All to see an empty uterus :-/ but it must be done so hopefully some day it won't be empty.


Here is a great chart to see what your hormone levels should be doing on various days.

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Yoo hoo :::waves arms::: Yoo hoo Dr. Corely? Please come back. :::long sigh::: Why is my luck such crap? I'm determined though to focus on the positives too.

So...not crazy "in love" with Dr. Peters...at least not yet. I'm really curious as to what Dr. Corely would do from here. So in short this was our conversation:

The Good:

1) Dr. Peters most importantly listed to me. Which is half the battle with most doctors. He spent 40 minutes on the phone with me.

2) He was informative. A lot of what I've read though so nothing too, too new.

3) Since last speaking with Dr. Corely, the only thing discovered was the MTHFR. He said that is easily treated with extra folic acid. It doesn't seem like he will want to treat the MTHFR with lovenox or heparin. Which I'm totally fine not doing at this point.

4) He wants Mike to have a semen analysis asap!!

5) I'm set up for Sept 20th, to have a fluid ultrasound, NK assay, cervix culture & for Mike to have a SA. We will also have my FSH & E2 blood work completed at this point.

6) He acknowledge that I'm too young to have as many m/c's as I have had.

The Bad & The Ugly: (I'm combining these because I don't know what is what, it all fits)

1) Right away he was talking IVF. At this point there is no reason to go down that road, other then being able to genetically test the embryos before implantation. I mean I'm able to get pregnant. I have one healthy child. Why on earth would I want to do IVF and spend thousands of dollars?

2) My tone totally changed after we talked about this and made me a little disgusted. I asked about what he thought about LPD and explained the whole NaPro thing at this time and what we discovered. He responded 20 years ago he would have said yes its a possibility. However, in 1998 he was part of a huge study on LPD and did 1500 endometrium biopsies on women. Done were proven to have LPD. As you and I know you can put 5 lab specialists (radiologists, doctors, lawyers, vets etc) in one room and not come up with the same diagnosis. He said modern medicine does not believe so much in LPD. He said it may be that we just don't have the technology to discover it yet. (SERIOUSLY?!?!?!) So his suggestion if we do suspect that is we do progesterone no matter what after I ovulate. :::sigh::: Once again here we go treating the symptoms and not looking further into it.

For example, if I have a pt who has knee pain, I don't just treat her knee. Sometimes the knee is from weak hip muscles, poor footwear, poor body mechanics, SI dysfunction, etc....there is sooo much that could be causing that knee pain and I look at all these factors (well the PT does, the doctor should but half the time misses it). If I or the PT overlook these issues and just strengthen the knee musculature sure the knee will get better. More than likely that patient will be back in a year with the same damn problem. Sometimes its appropriate to say ok well if this doesn't work than lets try xyz & if not we'll try abc.

Getting to my point I feel like if they just give me progesterone just because they are only treating the symptom and maybe not the underlying cause. Again let's refer to this article, inciid.org

 "Should progesterone levels prove to be low, the temptation is often to "treat the symptom" by giving the patient progesterone supplementation during the luteal phase. In the case of inadequate corpus luteum performance, progesterone support may indeed be the appropriate solution. However, inadequate follicle development may also be causing the low progesterone levels. Thus, it is important to measure midcycle follicle size (via ultrasound) and estradiol levels (via a blood test)."

He was talking how biopsy's are rarely done now due to the inaccurate results. And I get that, I get that they are unreliable. I'm not asking for that. So it may be up to my new ob/gyn, Dr. Daggs to diagnose this properly and see WTH is wrong with my hormones.

3) He doesn't like that Mike is taking T. I don't blame him. But what can we do at this time?

I think that's it for now. Welcome to the good, the bad & the ugly.

So much CM...

There is not too much to update on. I had another appt with Erin to look over my chart and discussed things that were happening. We were able to better identify my peak day (the day I ovulated) this cycle. During the 2nd half of my cycle whenever I finger test I am to record the 2nd stretch vs the first stretch. Erin believes that I produce so much cervical mucous that the first stretch is much longer vs the second. She's been right, the 2nd stretch has been much less of a stretch than the first. So...hopefully that will help out some.
I have my phone consult with Dr. Peters on Tuesday and I made an appt to see Dr. Daggs at Women's for Center Health who will be my new ob/gyn. That appt is not until Sept 12, due to insurance. I'm ready to get this show on the road! I can finally say we're almost half way there.

Since I haven't been blogging much I've been throwing myself into genealogy. I signed up again for ancestry.com and that has been fun and exciting. Helping to get my mind off of things. I have made a lot of connections not only in the tree itself but with others on ancestry. I've even got in touch with my grandmother's cousin. Crazy? Yea I know and its so much fun! Gives me something to focus on and look forward to doing.

That's it for now. I'll try to update Tuesday after my phone consult. :::crossing my fingers and toes::: that everything goes well and I like this doctor.